Body on permanent E-Stim

I've been driving myself crazy trying to find the best way to describe
the totally unimaginable response my body is having
It's being chemically deprived...little by little
so there's a big pout and tantrum.

If you've ever gone to Physical Therapy then you've probably experienced
Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation (TENS) or E-Stim
(If not, check the link above)


Coming off this medicine is like having tiny TENS electrodes ..
INSIDE my body
stuck to the base of my spine..and at every joint.
connected deep deep at the marrow of my bones
between my toes and wrapped around my ankles
And the most awful...the ones inside my ears
They feel like they are directly in my ear drums...
and behind my eyes
and someone blasts up the dia


As a result every muscle and joint is screaming.
for a split second I lose my hearing..
and it shocks the inside of my brain
and out the nape of my neck
Oh...and if not that....then it's like my body parts fall asleep
with "pins and needles

THOSE are the withdrawals...ONLY the withdrawal part

Then there's the NEW medicine on the counter attack
The actual stimulant
I lose my entire appetite...even if I'm "hungry"
I just can't move toward food...ugh..and the word food

and I can't get tired...and my mind won't sleep..
and everything is racing...and fighting and reacting

I'm not sure what to do with it...
I have to sit and let it pass...
it's a cleansing...I have to remember that
I HAVE to flush it out.

and no one knows for how long
it hurts and it sucks and it's sad.


I can't describe itIt 's not close.
It's there, though....it happens
doctors are finally acknowledging it...
that is HUGE to me...I'm not crazy, then?


I wouldn't wish this on anyone...I really don't
but I think that if there is someone else out there
going through this common medicine change
for depression or BPD or any sort of mental thing
I really want them to know..I'm with ya...I feel it too...
We may be "crazy"...lol..but we're NOT crazy
Tomorrow is one step closer to cleansing

Makes me think of this clip from a whacked out movie I saw recently..
Requiem for a Dream