Something just wasn't right

Nope...something isn't right...wasn't right...something

I'm not sure what...it was like a nagging uncomfortable creature

It was making me sick...depressed...worried...torn...

really scared...super duper even-superwoman scared...

I really tried to get at it...I wanted to understand it

But whatever this entity was, it refused to have a discussion

Go with your gut...

but what if I have 5 guts and they're all yelling at once.

there's deep sadness...discomfort...hurt in my gut

it makes me want to pull my hair

it makes me feel naked and not in control.

I wanted to go home...to be in my comfort

I wanted to stay at the cabin...

there are peaceful things to do at the cabin

Nothing about this vacation has felt peaceful, though!

I took a nap...let my brain take a break

and when I woke up I asked Luna,

"Baby, whatta you say we head back home?"

It was OK with her..I couldn't believe it

so I went into scrub down mode.

The guts were still yelling...

I cried..I didn't want to decide

I didn't wanna betray ANY of my guts

I cried and Luna hugged me and said, "does that feel better?"

I had to just GO...cause something wasn't right.

It took a couple hours to clean, do maintenance, get in the car

the guts fought the WHOLE way out of those mountains

Why the hell has this week felt sooo uncomfortable?

It's supposed to be VACATION damn it!

WHY doesn't it feel right? WHAT IS IT?

and I just held the steering wheel tighter

scared...and cried...

We finally made it home...11:00PM

I grabbed as much as I could...put Luna in bed

ran straight to the bathroom...

and vomited...just dry heaving till it all came out.

I want someone to help me figure it out..

I want everyone to leave me alone...

see what I mean? 

The guts are still fighting

Something was/is just not right!