She said "Madeleine"...Cause...well..duh..that's her name!

I asked her what they talked about..."She asked me my name"

I asked her what else..."I told her I was Madeleine"

GULP!

Madeleine? why Madeleine?...."cause..uh..that's my name (said in a sassy tone)"

NOOOO!! You're Luna!! You ARE LUNA!

Nope...not anymore...she doesn't care if I or we call her Luna...but her real name is Madeleine

That's what she wants people to know.

I'm sad that Luna...I mean Madeleine... is getting so old.

I feel like I'm not even watching it happen...it just is.

I feel like I've missed each phase

I was always so busy marveling at how much older she seemed

She never seemed little...

She's 8...and oh boy...

she's smart..never took 2nd grade...this yr she starts 4th

she's witty...suddenly cracking out some ridiculously funny response

she's beautiful...inside...caring...super giving...welcoming

she's resilient...so brave..so so brave...she has adjusted to so many changes

she's friendly...can talk with...share with...have fun with...anyone.

We got into some huge arguments when she returned from Canada.

there was a lot of weird adjustment...impatience...frustration...PMS

Driving along I asked her what she thought was going on...how she was feeling.

She told me in all her wisdom...

1. That I haven't had a kid around all summer...just adults...that think...and that I may be frustrated having a kid around again.
2. That sometimes I ask her to or "expect" her to do things that she's a kid so she can't do. (she used an example about carrying grocery bags, but i knew there was more to it than that.)

True wisdom...why hadn't I thought of it on my own.

so I guess I need to let her be more of a kid...

even if she CAN be super smart and brave and resilient...

maybe she just needs to be.............little.  

even if she CAN think of consequences and with more complexity,

maybe she just needs to think in the immediate...and like a kid...

making mistakes she already knows not to make...it's ok.

She's really a reflection of my inner 8 year old.

I spent some time talking about it yesterday...

thinking why I feel the pressure to be soooo much

when my parents never really said I had to BE so much...they loved me regardless

but being soooo much more...being special...gifted...mature...that was better than

Luna too...she is pretty darn gifted...in so many ways

but the more I praise that.....well it's pressure to be more

and when I get frustrated that she is "not thinking" when she does something

well...that's pressure too.

I wish I could go back to my 8 year old self...and let me be simple

I have an opportunity here...with Luna...

maybe to praise her when she acts like a silly kid

and to give less praise for her "specialness".

and baby her...maybe baby her...not always expect her to get her own drink

or pour her bowl of cereal without me.

Don't get me wrong...I obviously value independence...

it's good for her self-esteem...

but...maybe it's better if she can find the superwoman in herself on her own

and not because she gets praise for it...not because she wants to feel better than

I already know she CAN do all those things

maybe I can just baby her, protect her..let her mess up a little more