Super Woman Sadness

I did it

I made it here alive

All on my own

I figured it out

The tires…$...the car

Fixed part of it on my own

Drove all the way here on my own

Not a big deal...I’ve made 13 hour drives on my own more than once

Opened up the ole cabin

The last vacation anyone took here was in 2007

I did it, electricity, water, putting things back

Taking things away...figuring it out

Just me and Luna next to me

Hot water…then BAM! No hot water!

Super mom to figure it out

Trim to Home Depot get some “stuff”

Replace all the pieces on my own

Two thermostats, new wiring

heating elements (I called the filaments at first..lol)

Muscled it out…figured it out

I’m laying out this stuff and thinking,

“Gosh, Teresa…most women just don’t do it this way!”

I’m doing it this way…I am…and I’m proud..I think..

So why am I so super sad?

Well, OK…so there’s the medicine change.

And there’s the re-adjustment to Luna

The discipline, the mistakes, the yelling, the super insensitive scolding

But we had that talk last night and worked through our feelings and frustrations

And then I got my period…surprise!

But, I think the super sadness….I think it’s more than that.

This sadness is hiding…being sneaky deep inside

You know what I think it is? I think it’s the “on my own” thing

It keeps running away from me, but it’s there

There’s no one around to share all of this with

The responsibility

I know with someone by my side I’d STILL wanna be super woman

I’d probably even be arguing with them about it

But…they’d be there

And when I did a “figure it out on my own” thing

Someone else would be there to say “Wow!”

It’s not just that.

Even at Walmart…buying stuff

I don’t wanna walk around picking things…quietly

Yelling at Luna for not letting me think

Cause I’d have someone to else to help me think

At night...here in the cabin...it is SO quiet

no TV, internet (I have to drive to get this internet) no noise

And so when we got back to the cabin...

.....this is the funny thing....

I'd have someone to get away from...

you know what I mean?

They'd be there...with me...

but I'd be annoyed and wanting my space

Superwoman space

and SOMEHOW...that sounds less sad than

"doing it on my own"