Cleaning the windows

I had an experience today that made me think
and I'm too tired to fully engage in everything I could learn from it.
so I'll just lay it out tonight...and think about it tomorrow

Madeleine's furniture was scheduled to arrive this morning
I took everything out of her room...all of it, and got to cleaning

She has 3 big windows in her room.
Old, tall, curved windows
With this house being so ancient, you sort of accept it
cracks and chips and splinters and layers of paint
and the windows...they are so old...you can't really get them clean

But today, with the room empty, I tried
I grabbed my bottle of super windex and roll of paper towels
I climbed out one window and onto the roof
I closed them and started wiping from the outside
Yes, there was some dirt...not much
"Huh, they looked much dirtier than that..."

I climbed back in, stepped back, expecting full-out shine
But it looked just the same...stained...dirty
sooo, of course, the perfectionist climbed back out
on the ledge...scrubbing harder...climbed in...and nothing

I was perplexed...and decided I would wait for now
I would just clean the inside of the glass..

and there...I sprayed and took one quick wipe
The paper towel was black...I mean pitch black
I tried all the windows from the inside
all of them were just as dirty....black

Remember, I am in the middle of feeling riptide thoughts
So, I obviously turned the metaphor straight inward.

Trying to wipe the outside...it must be so dirty, right?
But it wasn't...it was the inside I needed to clean out.
the inside was filthy...I didn't even think it was possible
I thought for sure the outside of the window had the scum
The outside faces the elements every day...
it get's snowed on and rained on and pooped on by pigeons
it's the outside that deals with the Jersey smog...

So how could it be the INSIDE that's dirty?

This is where my thought process stopped.
I was too hurried...too tired...still exhausted right now
It will have to wait...but it definitely merits processing

One last thing....
when I leaned down to clean the bottom of one window
I noticed Madeleine's fingerprints...I was just about to wipe
when I saw it....she had draw a few stars on the glass.
through the dirt...lol