and I just did..

I finally fell asleep at 3:30...

Those rubber band balls have labels on them

and as they bounced and banged all over my insides

they hit on muscles and feelings and triggers

They triggered the whole fight or flight and all the biochem stuff that comes along.

Flight flight flight!!!

but creating distance between my problems and me just created more stress

putting extra pressure on the only lines that ground me

FIGHT!

I was running out of energy.

It all kept me up....meanwhile I worked on my HTML

to make the blog more interesting...to make it my own with MY art and backgrounds

to keep me distracted.

BUT on barely no sleep at all...I just had to get up and face the day.

I made pancakes for Luna and I....got her ready for camp

I didn't have to go to work....but I got in the car...figured I should do a few things at the office.

I looked like shit...no shower...nothing like that...

as I was unlocking my office a student randomly shows up...a 1 hour interruption

then something else....and something else......not getting to the one thing I came to do

but I was still doing...just doing

and that doing led to another doing of a list item.

and then I thought to just get that over with

then this then that....

before i knew it I had checked off 10 things I hadn't planned on doing

10 less things...10 less rubber band balls crashing inside me

When I packed up...I grabbed something else..."Call my parents when I get in the car"

and then another..."stop by the bank"...it's on the way.

you know what I realized....

when I multitask...I don't have enough time to worry

The point is that...i still feel like shit....I am completely drained.

I have this sharp pain over someone I miss so deeply.

and I'm sleepy.

But I decided to just DO!

Teresa NEVER gives up. 

It's hard to remember that when I'm in that space.

but....it's something I'm actually proud of.

I never give up!!! instead I just DO.

guys....I'm feeling shitty...I'm not ignoring that.

and I feel more than alone.

and still partially hate the world.

but  I just DID, today!

and THAT is Teresa

and now...what I'm going to just DO....is take a nap.

before Andrew arrives and turns the panorama upside down.