She said, "Bible"

There's been a lot of God talk around me lately
God talk with my friends
and god dialogue in my head
and then god talking back in my heart


As a minister's daughter there was a lot of god talk
God, God, God in EVERYTHING we thought or did
My parents weren't really pushy about it
they didn't "force" it on me
but being constantly surrounded by god talk and god experiences
well it was overwhelming regardless.


I was immersed in it
I read the Bible...it was "all in the Bible"
"Jesus saves me"
I look back at the stuff I journaled about back then
It shocks me...especially the Jesus stuff


I came to resent it...
hate it eventually
I also went through a guilt phase...
guilt for hating the Jesus stuff
and finally...over time...
I grew into a very eclectic view of god stuff. 
the universe...a higher power


I accept and love all religions
I see god in every one of them
I find wisdom in them...
I see god everywhere in nature
and I see the way god works so amazingly
as we cross paths with one another.


So...I DO talk god stuff...
but in a very ecumenical, unifying way


stuff from childhood sticks with us though, huh?
it really really sticks


So...on a day where I was saying,
"I want to get out of here...I hate this...what's wrong with me...
blah blah blah"


she said, "Bible"


Bible?...I haven't heard that word in a long time


"OMG she just said Bible"
and something happened
some association got sparked
a good association...
and just that suddenly, this feeling came over me
and I wanted to DIVE into the Bible


Dive into the Bible...LITERALLY
Open a page and jump into the letters
cause it feels safe in there
cause there's love and wisdom
and I want to hide in...swim in..those words


I don't want to read the Bible
I really didn't feel that
and I didn't want to be unforcefully immersed in God stuff
like I was when I was a kid
that feels pushy and UNsafe.


No...I just wanted to be covered in
Hold my breath in
swim in the protection of
love and thought and wisdom


Not just the Bible
I started to think about diving into other wise words
Literally...DIVE DIVE DIVE and SWIM...
and HIDE in there.


What a concept...huh...
I'm still wondering what it means
all I know is that I felt that dive in every part of my body.
it was a sweet place to swim.