I've been given this heart... where good/bad is an issue of have/have not...not about evil
and the having doesn't have to be something material...it can be love
and love can help some people get through the material
and if you don't have love, then the material becomes overwhelmingly covettable
that it can cause people to do evil things.

But I truly believe that people do not WANT to be evil people
That if they could have their needs met
and have other's needs met too
Then they wouldn't do evil things.
So...that's that...and it's a whole deep conversation in itself.

What I just can't get a steady and satisfactory perception of
is JUSTICE...or is it FAIRNESS
It makes no sense to me...I want to make sense of it.
I don't think i'm supposed to...
Holly used to tell me that it's out of my hands
that I don't always NEED to understand
but it sometimes seems overwhelming and unavoidable

Why....why are they there and I'm here?
What the HELL, God????

I hust saw a commercial for Minute to Win It
"One couple is only two games away from winning $1,000,000!!!"
Are you serious????
How is that possible?

Certainly, a million dollars would make my life easier...
and I KNOW I would in some way..directly or indirectly..use that money for justice
BUT give a tenth of that money to the truly needy in the world...
OMG...

It is taring at my heart.
That I can be that selfish...
That celebrities make 50x that...and yet some people can't eat.

This is such a cliche and classic dilemma
and I, too, have thought about it soooo many times before.
but today it is REALLY there for me.
and the thing is I don't know what to do with it.

Holly also used to tell me not to feel guilty for being here when other people are needing
To just revel in and appreciate what I have...that's enough.
and again, that I don't HAVE TO understand.

But that ISN'T enough today...
It just isn't...cause it just IS NOT fair!!!
And if someone tells me the classic "Life is not fair"
then I would reach through the screen and grab their ears and pull them to another country..
Then, maybe we could both see that life is NOT fair
BUT that we can do everything we can to make it as fair as possible.

Maybe.