A great big ball

Breathe in...breathe out
That's what I did today
I did it this morning as I battled a nine-year old mentality of timeliness
I did it while I taught 40 exhausted students
when talking about this weekend's tragic shooting of 3 students
when driving an hour through traffic

and half way through my car ride
I let out the deepest, hardest, loudest breath I could
I blasted the music...blasted it!!
you know how that is,
blast a hard song so loud your sternum pounds the beat
and your heart reverberates
and you feel it in your bones

I breathed that out
I blew it out like a rocket
and then all that was left was this pool of "stuff"
and an exhausted little girl...little me

When I walked in her office there was nothing left to do
but let that pool of "stuff" heat up and bubble out
a river of "stuff" flowing out my heart

and it felt good
It felt so damn good
to sit somewhere and ball my eyes out
to be safe somewhere..
and have a great big ball of a cry

Gosh that felt so good
I've been holding it back to hold it together

It's amazing how it all happens

By the end of the session
I felt so freed
I felt so relieved of pressure
and I could actually feel again
feel real things rather than constrained things

and we started laughing
laughs came out
laughed about how hard I was on myself
laughed about how much I tried to push her away
I smiled...and was stubborn about smiling

Balling out the stuff
led to a great ball of laughs

Life is gonna go on restart tomorrow
I promised that to myself