Observations

I had to get out of the house last night
I just really really had to...
too much time to be stuck in a house with an ex-husband and 9 year old
So, in classic TP style, I jump in the car in the middle of the blizzard
I had "Kohl's Cash" (free money to spend at Kohls) and that's where I headed

Slid all over the road, but kept on going.
Figured if anything, I could get to Starbucks
Buttttttt it was closed
So onward to Kohls
Got to the parking lot, hadn't been plowed, but trudged on through
And, yes, it was open!
I basically had the whole store to myself
Those sales people are pretty giving when you're the only one around.
I found a $100+ handbag, perfect for my laptop and books and looking cute
It had no price tag...the lady gave it to me for $16...SIXTEEN!

The peeps decided they wanted pizza...and since I was out, what the heck.
So I headed to Unos...almost there...but right at the entrance...a car...stuck...
Poor guy...back and forth...back and forth...nothing...couldn't get up the hill
A line of about 5 cars waited...watched...the poor guy.
Finally...in my black heeled boots and puffy jacket...get out...and push
And yes...he made it back...but not forth...so we try again...and yes...forth...but not up
Ugh...we did this for 5-10 minutes...only then...did a man come out of his truck
He decided the he was going to take over...
Oh this got my goat...after sitting for 30 minutes warm in his car...watching..
This guy gets out and decides he needs to take charge...
Some other guy gets out...finally...and helps...
Helps? all they did was push the guy to the side of the road so that everyone could get through
They left him there...the poor guy...

I got my pizza...came back...and he was still there...no one around
I asked him if he wanted a ride...and wondered...what's happened to this world

The storm got worse and I headed back home. 
The highways were snowed..but I kept going...everything fine..
Until....I got to our steep half-mile hill...
my rear-wheel drive made it half way up...then nothing.
I pushed and pushed...back and forth...going up..literally inch by inch
Meanwhile, cars passed me...nicely up the hill.
Not one person stops to ask...not one.
I kept going though...cause I believed in my car...I really did
Like the little train...that car and I...we chanted, "I think  I can, I think I can"
My little car and I...just the two of us...chanting along...going inch by inch.
Cars honking by.

There were times I wanted to drop it all...leave my car on the side of the road..walk home
But I wouldn't...I couldn't...I thought I could
I looked at side streets...I dreamed of options...there were desperate cry-worthy moments
But...I kept putting my foot to the gas...letting go...pushing down again...
I developed a rhythm...push, let go, push, let go, sometimes reverse...
I'd get stuck..go in reverse...rock back and forth...on a steep steep hill
and then push again...let go, down on the gas, let go..
At times I ended up on the opposite side of the road...with oncoming traffic
but I kept going...on and on...push let go
this rhythm allowed the car to grip the road inches at a time...
It took me an hour or more to get to the top of that hill
But I made it...it made it...I knew I could.

I turn onto my street...100yrds from my home...and bam...stuck
This time truly truly stuck...I tried...but nothing I could do
A guy came out with a shovel...uncovered my wheels...
Andrew came out...he pushed...they pushed...I slid into the side of the road
And the car is still there.

I had therapy today...we dug and dug...I had to get there
But nothing...no hope...
I thought about how much this is like life.
All the phases...all the times the task seems unsurmountable...but I push...and get there
other times...the task seems simple..so close...100yrds away...and get irreversibly stuck
No way out.
I thought about getting to Kohls...making it through and getting a deal...
Helping others...
I thought about it all...how much it paralleled life...every step.
And I laughed....at all the observations...

They haven't gotten me very far...it will take me a while to process
I've got some cabin fever...today was another day of being stuck in the house
and, yes, I remain emotionally "stuck" too...
But...the fact that I made observations...again...made me feel somewhat close again.
Not yet myself...the old me would have made more of the observations.
But...observations are a start...