The God Moment

I haven't wanted to drink for months. Someone asked for beer one day..I had no idea where...seriously...that shocked me...tons of stores down Kearny Ave...but for the life of me I can't recall one liquor store...(OK...Remember that part...bc it will be important)

The past couple of weeks...the crap has been stirring...I'm in a deep low again....and...definitely, that doesn't mean that I'd drink...but it does tell me that I'm spiritually empty. In Nashville, meetings kept me alert and aware and mindful of my inner spirit. Here, I've hated meetings. BUT like I said...there's been a flashing neon "Vacancy" sign over my spiritual tank lately. When I'm not at work, or at class or with Luna...I'm hating myself. Ive made a colossal mess with 3 of my friends and know that only I can clean it up. I'm sad..I want a vomit..you've heard that before.

It was 7:00...been in class all day..I was moping...have a paper to write..ran out of D. Coke...want something to eat. I live off the main street, lined with churches, bodegas, family owned cafes and bakeries...mom and pop stores...pharmacies. But I ALWAYS go to G & Js..they're like family now..and theyre ALWAYS open. Um...not tonight..."For the love of God!!" ...so I keep walking down Kearny Ave...to the gas station..to get some coke.

Then I look up...and there it is. OMG! Now, let me explain Holly, I have jogged down Kearny Ave and back 100x. I have NEVER even noticed...that a block down...on the corner..IS A LIQUOR STORE!!...what on earth!! and I stop and think..and pictured with delight...that power of picking up a case of beer again..amazing...and it scares me. It really stops me...literally.

There's a guy across the street...in front of a one of those churches...in front of their Daycare...talking to another guy smoking a cigarette...and as he says good-bye and walks up the steps I think..."Hm...is there a meeting there tonight?"...suddenly my Higher Power put me on autopilot.

I crossed the street
walked half way up the steps
and wanted to turn back,
but I took another step
The door was open
I couldn't hear anyone
and wanted to turn back,
but went in "I've always wondered about this Daycare"
There was no one around
I was ready to walk back
and then I heard a roaring laugh
I walked down the Hall
I peaked through a little window on the door
A room full of men...
"Ah...this is a men's meeting!, Oh well"
was ready to walk away
but took one last look
ONE woman!...
"It's 8:00...the meeting's half-way done"
I wanted to turn back
but my hand opened the door
and there I was...in the room...heart racing
I sat down.

Ok...the topic was "spritual moments"...lol...OMG...but 25 minutes left...I surely could get through this...I settled in. 10 minutes left...a guy starts to share...

"Spiritual Moments", he says..."I'm sorry I'm late...I ran into a guy out in front...a guy that needs to be in this room with us...but he's not ready" he frowns
But continues, "I know it was a no coincidence that I just ran into him...it was a higher power moment..but I also knew he would't come in...he's not ready..so I let it go"
Finally he says, "So I'm sorry I'm late..but since we're talking about god moments...well maybe there could have been one out there...but not today"

My heart is pounding through my chest...my eyes start to water...my hands are shaking...I raise my hand...to share...to tell this guy...that there WAS a "God moment" outside...that if he hadn't been outside, I wouldn't have stopped...I followed him in...cause the universe put him outside...and I NEEDED that...for my spiritual tank...I so NEEDED that...
and heads were lifted...and I saw smiles...and someone said thank you to me..."and..THAT GUY's NEVER LATE!!" and the woman...the ONE woman...this was her last week there...she was going to go to another group...this was her last week...not anymore...and suddenly...so warmly...I felt community...with other alcoholics...Amazing stuff...I love this stuff...that's what AA is about...it's not just about "not drinking"...it's about finding these connections...

AND, this all happened within 2 blocks of my house...all of it...the bodega not open...the gas station...the liquor store..the church...down the street from my Dad's church..
ok...sooooo long story...to add to it, the woman's boyfriend...about 6 months ago he was riding his bike when he found Luna's cell phone on the street. He called us...he returned it...he smiled...he wouldn't take money for his kindness...it made me feel warm...and there it was again.