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Sunday, April 17, 2011

Yes, it's been way too long....

Wow!  It's been so crazy with school and internship and work and students and papers and tests and presentations and Luna and....oh....so much. I've just let it go.

I do write...usually when I'm waiting in an office or reading some research documents and have an interesting thought. The journal articles I read...about some psych theory or technique or disorder or whatever...the margins are filled with notes...just random notes about random thoughts that come up as I'm researching.  I'll read something that will trigger something that will bring a thought that will bring a feeling and I flip the page and start writing.

But that's it.  I have been journaling...I really have...just not on here.

It's easier to write in the margins of some article.  I can write whatever I want.  No one has to understand it but me.  It feels nice.  It's my little reprieve in the midst of my homework...to just let my mind go.  And boy does it go and go and go.  Then when I'm done I just regroup and get back to whatever research I was reading for whichever paper  I'm rushing to finish. It's nice...to let go.

I thought that's what blogging was going to be.  That's what I wanted it to be. It was that way at first.  But then I got caught up in some sort of trap.  I started to think of other people and filter what I said and felt and wrote....and since I was filtering so much, I started questioning my feelings.  My fears took over...the paranoia..the panic. I was back to the same cycle...

So.....I think that's why I stopped writing.  I need to sort through it.  Maybe I wasn't ready to let others in.  I wanted to...I really did.  I convinced myself that someone out there would relate...and not feel alone.  Maybe I wasn't ready.  I hadn't let go of the "someones" who wouldn't relate. I wasn't ready...for structured writing with good grammar and punctuation and free flowing randomness.   I want that "write in the margins" feeling.

I'll figure it out.

Other stuff has been in the works, though.  In my "free" time...lol...like right now...when I'm avoiding my homework.  I worked on and printed a book.  I have an art website in the works...not finished...but in the progress.  www.mycircleart.com And I'm setting up a store...for when I'm ready.  I've ordered prints of my art.  I've gifted them to others and some people have my book.  It took a long time to get it right...to be satisfied with this book....but I do like the outcome.  I have a big stack of them too...printed and ready...for when I'm ready :)


So...I guess that ready is the key thing here.  Gotta be ready...waiting to be ready....waiting for time...and then to be ready. 

1 comment:

Merry ME said...

Welcome back, even if it just for today.
Sounds like you've used your time well and productively. When I write in the margins (love that term) it's usually little daisy chain doodles!

As for me and blogging, I started out writing it for a few members of my family who wanted to know how things were going here. I think I use it more as a journal now, then when I started. But there is a big difference in writing for an audience (and let's face it even if you can't see cyber people they are there - not necessarily lurking but there) is you forget the point of - if your point is to journal and get out your feelings instead of just convey information.

It sounds to me like writing in the margins and in journals is right for you. Perhaps the blog will just be the place you turn to to help announce and advertise you soul work which will come out in your art not your words.

Do what feels good to you, if you're not ready to blog, the blog world isn't going to fade away. And most of your followers will look forward to hearing from you when you're ready to say hello.

COngrats on the book and art and store.

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