Chapter 11: Open Mind...In my mind

Soooooooo...first of all there was a nice sign telling you where to park for the meeting. That was nice. I didn't have to wander around asking people. ( FYI, High heels and gravel parking lots are a dangerous combination...trust me! ) I walk in and there is a semi circle type set up...but at one end there are a bunch of rows of chairs. It's packed. The only available seats are right smack in the center of it all. I looked around...with a look on my face like people were a new and unique concept. I thought I was mumbling, "Shit, no way I'm sitting up there!" Apparently I said it loud enough...one smart ass said "If you were at a bar you wouldn't give a shit what stool you chose"...(not true, BTW) ..then this nice guy in the back row got up...gave me his seat...and sat in the front. They read all the mumbo jumbo at the same speed as the disclaimers at the end of a car commercial. "Is anyone new"...I shrunk in my chair...very grateful to the guy who gave me a hiding place in the back row. Suddenly, people started getting up and taking chairs...they split up into two groups...I went with the "cool" group..I know it. There was no avoiding front and center in this small room...not to mention I was the only woman among 17 men. They kindly gave me a wonderful spot on a couch in between two guys that shook so much they made the couch feel like a vibrating bed. Fortunately, the guy next to me was so hot..and so that occupied my mind for the first 10 minutes of discomfort.


Yadi Yadi Yada!! the topic being how do you keep focus on today? The leader just called people to speak at random...I obviously looked new, so imagine my surprise when the jackass looked at me and said "How about you young lady...tell us about yourself!". Here it was..the big fucking moment...the moment I was hoping to avoid. That intro...the words I'm expected to...required to...but not ready to say. My heart was jammed so far up my throat that I couldn't tell if sound actually came out. I tried to get around it. "I'm new..and nervous as hell...Thank you!" Damn him to hell the guy that yells "Ok but introduce yourself!!!" Fuck!! "I'm Teresa...and I am...um...I am...hmm...well I am Teresa and...and I am really really embarrased...and ummm....I am the only woman in the room...and um and I don't know...I guess I'm an al...mmm...coholic." Fuck...they tricked me. After that I rivaled the fidgeting guys for the title of greatest couch shaker.


I sat there the rest of the time looking around...suddenly feeling like I knew these faces..like I had seen them before....wondering if some of them were in the program above me...wondering what the fuck was CPE...trying to catch a glimpse of the hot guy's left hand. "Shit, he's married!". Damn..I hope they don't live above me...how will I walk out of my car with a 12 pack of beer?